So, it’s 10 o’clock at night and I’m not sure why I’m still up but, I am. I am literally an old lady now. 8 o’clock bed time PLEASE! It wasn’t always like that though. My story is nowhere near as bad as some but, it’s mine. I remember when not too long ago I was literally living off of 45 minutes to about 2 hours of sleep a day. I was really doing something if I could get that 2 hours, and I felt like that is what I was supposed to be doing. Like, I wasn’t a strong independent woman if I wasn’t pushing myself to exhaustion hustling to make ends meet. At least that is what every person around me thought.
Some years back I went through a “little something”. That is how I’ll put it because I am not ready to even travel down that road so, I’ll keep it at a “little something”. When I tell you I have never felt more defeated in my whole life. I didn’t know what to think, what to do, be sad, mad, glad even.. It broke me. I would drop to my knees, praying and crying so hard for God to take me away from it all. I lived out of one room in my house. I watched the same DVDs over and over.. which consisted of cartoon movies that my children wanted to watch. I didn’t even listen to the radio. I couldn’t hear one single thing without it shaking me to my core. I drove an hour to school one way and when I tell you I had to clean out the floorboard of my passenger side every single time because it was full of tissues. I checked my mirror, fixed my face. Nobody ever knew. They didn’t know how I rode in silence, just praying out loud all the way. I never thought I’d recover. I tried so hard. I stopped by the bookstore one day and purchased a new journal. I love my journals, and I had to have this one because it was just so cute.. I got home, no time for a nap that day, and got ready for work. I sat there that night and just wondered what I would write. My life story? Heck no. Who wants to read that? Then I just opened it up and started. I jotted down the date, and began. “Dear God…”, and it went on. I cried, and I wrote as fast as I could! Then it became habit. I started to listen to the little video clips of sermons that show up on Instagram and Facebook. I could feel what they were saying and if I felt like they were speaking right to me, I’d go YouTube the sermon. I would take my second journal and write notes. I noticed I felt like I had a fighting chance when I started with my prayer journal. I wrote almost every day. I started using that hour to listen to full sermons instead of the little short clips and I found myself humbled and thankful! I am living proof that you can make it. No, my “little something” might not be a big deal for some but it was the start of a new beginning for me. I went from being completely broken to feeling more whole than I have ever felt. I am still a work in progress but, when I tell you God gave me everything I prayed for… I’m getting emotional just thinking about it. I have a way to go and other areas in my life that need work. That’s life. We all, will always need some work. Nobody is perfect!
I let go of what I thought my life should be. I let God take over. I don’t want anything I think I want. I want everything he has for me because, I know that what he has for me is more than what my head can even think of. I could really go on and on but, I won’t take it that far just yet.. I just felt the need to share because, a little over three years later, and my journal was full. This was sometime back but, I looked at it today and finally had the courage to read through it a little and I saw my blessings unfold before my eyes. I saw where I was and how each time I wrote to God, I was healing. It was a feeling of pure joy, looking through a book I literally poured everything out of my heart into. I’m not sure who will read this but, I hope whoever does needed to. You can make it. God can take a broken person and make them whole again. He will restore everything you lost and replace it with more than you ever thought you needed. That is his promise. I am here for anyone, no matter what you are going through and, I encourage a prayer journal. I encourage you to pray as often as you can.
Considering this blog is titled “A day in the life of…”, and I missed a day means I’m already off to a bad start here but, I’m not giving up this time. Usually I would have used that as an excuse to just quit all together. I would have never even opened the site again until something lit a fire under me, and I had the motivation to make this the best thing you ever read! Yeah, I was that bad. I still can be but, I’m more aware of it now. I know to tell myself, “Okay, so we’re just going to make an excuse or nah?” I usually feel guilty for telling my own self, “YES! I’m making the excuse!” So, I stopped. I identify and eliminate. When you can identify your weakness, excuse making, you are going to eventually overcome that weakness. It gets easier.
I thought all day of what I would even write. Then I had a conversation with someone and it lit that “fire” under me. Have you ever talked with someone and they had a problem for every solution? You take what they have and start rattling off ideas, or what they could do, where they could start.. and every single time you give out something, they shoot it down. Straight out the sky. Hey, you could.. no I can’t. What about? NOPE! You could always.. Can’t, won’t, never can ever happen.. Usually it doesn’t bother me as bad as it did that day. Annoyed was an understatement. I simply walked away and went on about my day. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Then I had to stop myself. I was once that person. I made an excuse for me, you, her, that person over there.. I still made one yesterday when I told myself that I didn’t know what to write about so I’ll just not worry with it. That was not the promise I made to myself. I made an excuse to cut out on something I promised to myself. If you can’t keep a promise to yourself, who can you keep promises to? I am still a work in progress. I have BIG dreams. I will sit here and tell you that I have given myself every reason there could be to not even try. How sad is that? Paige, you won’t even TRY?! Today, I woke up and decided that I am making a few promises to myself today. I refuse to break those promises. I refuse to keep making excuses for what I just can’t do. I will only talk about what I can do. It might not be exactly how I imagined it but, I will at least TRY.
This read could possibly be a waste of time for some, a little inspiring for others, a wakeup call, or just absolutely brilliant! I like the last one best but, I know I’m learning. I’m refuse to give up on something I know I love to do just because it takes a little time to be great at it. So, I’ll end with this, I challenge YOU. STOP making excuses. You have to TRY! Start with the first time you catch yourself making that excuse.. think of it like this. It might not work out that way but, if I do it this way it could possibly work out just fine. If I just TRY. 🙂 TRY! TRY! TRY! No more excuses!
I was up earlier than usual today and took that time to pray. I have always heard that when you awake at that crazy hour in the middle of the night that is God telling you that you need to have a talk. So, I talked. I am proof that he does answer prayers, and I have faith that he will come through on this as well. See, I have no clue what my purpose is. I want to be that person that wakes up every day and loves what they do. I want my passion to be my career. What is my passion? Funny you should ask because, I am not exactly sure. I am excellent at talking myself out of everything I think is a good idea. I love to write but, what do I write? Will anyone read it? Will they like it? Am I making myself vulnerable by sharing what this crazy mind thinks? My mind is my safe haven. It holds everything! Things I love to talk about, things I would never dare to mention, all the good and bad memories, and while I feel like what I have to say wouldn’t matter to anyone on this planet.. what if it will?
Mommy Gang is the name of my Facebook group. It’s a group for Moms and I use it as a platform to be somewhat inspirational. Every post I’ve made, I have been really speaking to myself but out loud so everyone can see. I have slacked off with the posting due to the lack of feedback from the followers but, who cares right? Someone is reading. Someone is being inspired. So, I woke up, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and told myself that today is the day. I WILL start my blog. I will share my daily thoughts and adventues with the world. I am scared to death, and far from doing this right, but I have to start. So, after having this blog for a year now, it is time to bring it to life!
I have been apart of Word Press for a while now. I had an account under another username but, for the life of me, I can not remember the log in. So, here I am, once again. I set this account up a few months, or so ago and finally have sat down to see about it. I’ve spent several nights trying to decide on, what should I say? Well, not tonight. I love to write down my thoughts and feelings. Writing is the greatest escape, next to music. I have the most intimate relationship with about three journals I backpack around. Each one serves a different purpose. Setting all this up you have to give a “Tell about yourself” on the profile and, as usual, I had no idea what to say. I am the type of person that thinks, who is really about to sit here and read some random woman’s “about me”? I made it perfectly clear that I am actually pretty boring and I just really want to blog my thoughts. If anyone decides to take on this journey with me, well come on. I would be really excited that you did. I find it more liberating to take a pen to paper and write everything that comes to mind but, decided that I better figure out how to type for the sake of my book. That is a dream of mine. One day, it will be reality. I wasn’t even really sure what to type about on here for my first post. I’m really just trying to figure it out… just like everything else in my life and since I am officially journaling all my emotions into this online blog, maybe you can help me along the way, or even better, I may just be able to help you. That makes me feel pretty good. I suppose, in a way, this was my “Welcome Letter”. So, Welcome.. and thank you for being here.